Image by Jasmin Chew

About Me, About The Blog

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Hi! I'm Rucka Simms.

Regular female Joe Schmoe over here. No one particularly outstanding, but definitely living my definition of my best life. While I am coming from a heterosexual perspective, I hope that my insights and thoughts can be helpful to bonus parents from all relationships. Welcome to my blog!

Disclaimer: That's not me in that picture, nor is that my real name. Anonymity is my game here because I'm talking about real people. Also, I want to share my honest opinions and experiences. I get along with everyone in my new family and sometimes, it isn't productive to evolving relationships if everyone knew about every thought in my head.

I am currently a 30-something year old living in Los Angeles, California. I am a LA Native who has lived in cosmopolitan cities from Paris, France to New York City, only to ultimately come back and settle down in my hometown. I lived my 20's for me, free as a bird, traveling the world and pursuing my dreams. Never did I imagine that Motherhood, let alone Bonus Motherhood was in my future. Yet, here I am.

Four years after moving back to LA, I met my current love who was a single dad of two. At the time, we thought we were just passing acquaintances. Five years later, we reconnected and fell in love. This time he was now a single father to three. Holy. Crap. What was I getting myself into? Did I even want to do this? Why would anyone want to take this on? Oddly enough, I didn't know of anyone who had a family situation remotely close to what I was about to enter into. Almost all of my friends and family came from a family unit where both parents were married and all siblings were fully related by blood. No half-sibling or step-sibling experiences. If any of my friends did have divorced parents, the divorces happened in their late teens or when they were adults. Even if they had step-siblings, they never really bothered to know them. No one had any advice or insight for me! I am an only child and my parents were married until my father passed away. So I did the next logical thing: Turned to the advice of the interwebs!

This was probably not the best idea. Every article I found screamed, "Girl, don't do it!!! You'll have baby mama drama!!! And especially don't do it if you don't have any children of your own!!!" This isn't bad advice. In fact, I agree. If you are a young woman who is financially solvent, emotionally, physically, mentally healthy and with no children, by all means, run the other way and keep your freedom! No disrespect to single mothers (because you are amazing and handling one of the hardest jobs on the planet on your own), but if you are child-free, you have no "baggage" and can go where ever you want when ever you want! Nothing can beat that! However, if you have a man who has been putting in the work to court you, who has been showing you through his actions that he is worthy of you and you have taken time to carefully think about your life and potential commitments, then Queen, I am here for you. Unlike most of the opinions I found online, I'm here to offer perspective and encouragement to those ladies who have decided that they want to give Bonus Motherhood a shot.

I don't have all the answers and I'm learning as I go. I try to be fair with my judgements and at the end of the day, if you disagree with my perspectives, that's your prerogative. We can co-exist with differing opinions and still view each other with the utmost admiration and respect. This is meant to be a kind and understanding place where bonus parents can exchange ideas, find support and ultimately grow together.

Welcome to my journey!