A New Grandma

As of late, I've been slowly getting more and more frustrated and with the way my mother's assisted living facility conducts itself with family members. I am having difficulties with the way the staff restricts certain visits, or the way they communicate or execute the logistics of getting my mother to a doctor's appointment. (For example, there was a nurse who would call me at 7am to remind me to take my mother somewhere. 1. I am an insomniac. My mother's home is one of the few numbers that can override my "Do Not Disturb" setting in case of an emergency. So I go ballistic if someone calls before 9am and wakes me up when it's not an emergency. 2. If that nurse would have checked the notes I left at the front desk from the day before, she would have seen that I had left instructions as to what time I would be getting my mother. I had to tell this lady not to do this as it was stressing me out!) I totally understand why the administrator in charge of events is restricting the number of family members that can visit at one time. We're not fully out of the woods with Covid and the elderly are one of the most vulnerable groups to the virus. However, I feel like my mother is isolated from my life. In this past year, her main visitor was me. She has dementia from her stroke, so she doesn't really remember anything I tell her about my new family. She would remember if she were allowed to interact with them. I am feeling so impatient about society opening up because I really want my mother to start being involved with any family events. As of now, I can only take her off the premises for doctor appointments or haircuts.


Over the July 4th weekend, I went to visit my mom. Her home has finally started allowing more visitors to come through. My boyfriend knows how I feel and decided to come with me. In tow, we also brought our 5 year old. This was the first time our 5 year old met my mother, and to my surprise, was a little excited to meet her. We had a great visit! My mother, who I think would have had an issue with me being in a blended family situation pre-stroke, was very gracious to my bonus daughter. She couldn't remember much and had to ask my bonus daughter what her name was multiple times. I did tell my 5 year old ahead of time that my mother had memory problems due to her stroke, so my mother's repetition wasn't unexpected. The most touching moment was when I introduced my bonus daughter to my mother. I was going to introduce my mother as "Mrs. Simms", but my boyfriend chimed in before I could stop him and told his daughter that my mother was "Grandma Simms". To my surprise, my mother and bonus daughter took to that name with no objections. At the end of the visit, my bonus daughter held my hand and said, "I have a bonus mom and now I have a bonus grandma!"


Wow. Big feels. My boyfriend is allowing my mother to be seen as a grandmother-figure. I'm scared and happy at the same time.

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