Finances

The topic of money sucks. Unfortunately, it's a necessary element of a relationship. I've mentioned before that my boyfriend and I moved in together one week before lockdown. The one thing I expected when moving in with him was that the lines between our finances would blur. You essentially have two people putting money towards one household. I think it's impractical and down right unpleasant to keep track of every single thing so that you can split the costs. I prefer to be generous with those I love. I think it serves everyone better.


While I believe generosity waters the relationship grounds, I am acutely aware of the cost of my boyfriend's children. I am in the fortunate position of being financially solvent and am in a better financial standing than my boyfriend. He is also highly aware of that and contributes to our household where he can. As of now, I do handle more of the costs of living to keep us comfortable. I do draw the line when it comes to his children though. My personal philosophy when it comes to money and his children is that if I want to buy them gifts or things that I think will enrich them, I will gladly spend my money. They are welcome in my home and are entitled to whatever my boyfriend and I have when they're with us. However, when it comes to anything that they need to live, any basic necessities, that is up to him, their mothers and/or their grandmother (my mother-in-law). I did not bring these children into the world. I will not, nor should I be expected to financially support them. My boyfriend's mother and other family members have expressed support for my school of thought. Oddly enough, my boyfriend has expressed some disagreement about this. (Lol! It's not that odd. I'm not stupid.) It is an unfinished conversation between us, but I will stand firm on this. I did not make any irresponsible choices that resulted in children. I, therefore, should not have to be financially penalized because I was more careful in my youth. The idea that my boyfriend thinks that I should help, is ridiculous. Yet, it is very possible that I don't fully understand what my boyfriend's ideas on money are. As I said, the discussion wasn't finished and I might be misunderstanding what he was trying to say to me. This is a story that will be continued at a later date. Either we're going to hash this conversation out, or my boyfriend is in for a very rude awakening.


As a rule, I do not believe any woman should be responsible for a man's child support. I plan on keeping my finances separate from his, even when we marry. Yes, you can do this in the state of California. There are laws that will financially protect me when put in place by a pre-nup. I refuse to be included in any of his child support. My parents have left me their estate and I plan on protecting their legacy. The result of their hard work and careful financial planning benefits my boyfriend when it benefits me. Anything I do not use will be left for my biological children. This does not include money that I, myself add to the pot. In my mind, any personal wealth that I accrue, would be distributed to any of my children/bonus children as I see fit, because they are my family. My wealth, my choice. My parents' wealth, however, will not be taken advantage of. I can't necessarily speak to the future, but as of now, this is where things stand.


I am curious to hear others' opinions on this. I have heard women enthusiastically agree with me, and then I have heard from some men (my boyfriend included) as to why this may not be fair. Please leave any thoughts in the comments!

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