Obvious, While Not Obvious

Like many, I'm on my phone or tablet surfing the web in my down time. My algorithm ranges from articles and pictures about Corgis, to female Asian American body builders, to food and relationship mishaps and advice. I have no idea how this algorithm was created, but I'm not exactly complaining. As I bounce from one topic to another, I always fall upon little bits from these articles that apply to my life. I think the phrase "Obvious, while not obvious" is going to be a theme that will run through this blog. They are lessons that I think need to be communicated to young people, especially those who are desperately looking for love and fulfillment in all the wrong places. I'll begin with this example:


I ran into an article about polyamory. The point that stuck out to me as the ultimate lesson that the author learned about having a relationship with a man who wasn't really into the polyamorous lifestyle, but was willing to date her casually. While this direct quote is about how to deal with a relationship within polyamory, I feel like it can also apply to romantic relationships in general:

If someone tells you something about themselves like, "I don't really want a serious relationship right now", "I don't want to have children" or "I don't see a future with you", while these truths are hurtful to hear, believe the person that's saying this. Listen to them and take what they say to heart. You can't control others and you most likely won't get what you want if you ignore what they say. Seems like an obvious thing, but it is surprisingly hard to acknowledge the truth when you're emotionally invested and desperately wishing for a different result. (I'm guilty of this too. Took me a few hurtful break ups to really understand this concept.)


In my personal family situation, I think all of the mothers of my bonus children had their expectations and saw certain potentials that they wanted when they decided to keep their pregnancies. (To be clear, my boyfriend isn't faultless. This is being said in the vein of hindsight is 20/20.) They didn't really pay attention to the truth of their realities; that my boyfriend was immature, he wasn't ready to be a father, and that he didn't want to build a family/future with them. They believed that once their babies were here, things would change.

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